Never The Same
by My Whole Life Is Thunder
Summary: Really deppresing story about Tony dying from the POV's of Palmer, Ducky, Gibbs, Abby, McGee, and Ziva with thecfirst chapter being from Tony's POV in his final moments.
1. Tony' s POV

**Tony's POV**

I walk from the kitchen area to the couch in my apartment and stare at the gun on my coffee table. I can't figure out where my life went wrong Gibbs told me I was a useless child today, McGee laughed when he heard laughed I know I gave him crap but, still, Abby has been ignoring me for no reason, I asked Ziva to lunch and she said yes but then she stood me up, Ducky said nothing to Gibbs when he insulted me, and I am pretty sure Palmer just stood me up too. Me and Palmer were supposed to watch Indiana Jones together but, I guesz he has better things to do must be nice to be loved and be able to blow off friends.

I relize at that moment I have nothing to live for I take a notebook and scibble notes for everyone I figure they should know I cared. I take the gun and pull the trigger and just at the point of no return my door opens and I see Palmer with a look of horror on his face than it's over the darkness over takes me.


	2. Palmers POV

**Palmer's POV**

Yesterday will go down in history as the worst day of my life even worse than when Michelle died. Today my best friend Tony DiNozzo commited suicide and it is all my fault.

I was driving to Tony's place he had found this special Indina Jones DVD on eBay and we were gonna watch it together. At the last second Breena called me cause her car broke down and she needed a ride I was gonna call Tony but, my battery was low and Breena wasn't in the best neigborhood. So I just figured I'd show up late. I went to pick up Breena and dropped her off at our apartment and went to Tony's the door was unlocked so I just opened it just in time to see Tony's gun fire it happened in a second but, felt like hours just as his gun fired he saw me than just fell to the ground I ran to his side but it was too late my best friend was dead. Gone forever.

I was unable to even move for a while when I could I just sat there holding Tony crying until I heard my phone ring and relized I was late for work. "Ducky" I said in a hushed tone you, Gibbs, McGee, and Abby need to get to Tony's apartment as soon as possible and Ducky bring the ME van..." I said before bursting in to tears again.

Twenty minutes later I was holding Tony in my arms rocking back and forth crying when the team showed up. Gibbs droped his coffee, Abby fell to her knees crying, Ziva started mumbling in Hebrew, McGee's body tightened up and he sniffled, Ducky silently walked over to me and asked me the questions I had been dreading. I cried and retold the story of the worst day of my life.

Gibbs is the one who found the letters. Mine read.

_Dear Palmer ( Autopsy Gremlin)_

_It's been great knowing you. You helped me so much when Gibbs was down in Mexico. I know I teased you but, it was all in good fun. I don't know why you blew me off tonight but, I should be used to it by now people have blown me off and ignored me my whole life. It must be nice to have enough people in your life where you can do that. _

_Goodbye Love Tony._

Ziva and McGee helped me and Abby to the couch where I read my letter crying for the millionth time since last night. " I didn't blow you off Tony I was helping Breena I should have called I will never forgive myself." I thought.

Ducky drove me home on the way back to N.C.I.S after everything was settled. He walked me to the door when Breena answered he explained what happened she took me in her arms and we cried together. She called in sick to work and we talked all day by the end I felt better but, I will never be "OK" again.


	3. Ducky's POV

**Ducky's POV**

As far as the days of my life go this has not been one of my best cause last night my dear Anthony ended his life. I have a feeling it is partially my fault.

Yesterday Jethro called Anthony a useless child Jethro was on the warpath that morning something about a friend of Kelly's I couldn't think of anything to say where one wouldn't look like a jerk so I just said nothing figuring Jethro would invite Anthony over for steak and they'd walk in happy the next morning. I was wrong Jethro couldn't get a hold of Anthony and Jethro came in concerned yet annoyed and dear Anthony will never come in again.

I showed up to work right on time and Mr. Palmer wasn't there I didn't think much of it he has been so busy with his wedding. After an hour I got concerrd and called him he asked me to have everyone to come to Anthony's place and to bring the van. I knew aomething terrible had happened. I knew something was terribly wrong.

We arrived at Anthony's and found Palmer holding him in his arms I could tell Anthony had shot himself. Jethro dropped his coffee, Abigail fell to the ground, Timothy froze, Ziva began mumbling what I assume were swears in Hebrew, and I silently approached Palmer and asked him some very difficult questions. When I was done Timothy and Ziva helped Mr. Palmer and Abigail to the couch. We were each given letters I sipped tea at my desk and read mine.

_Dear Ducky _

_I really loved your stories you were probally the best male role model in my life besides Gibbs. You were amazing with Palmer he would have never survived the medical stuff without you. You are a great guy please take care of yourself I want you to live to be as old if not older than your mother. _

_Goodbye Love Anthony_

I had tears in my eyes as I read it I knew Anthony had his demons so did the whole team but, I never thought he'd kill himself. I know everyone in our little family including myself has demons the worst being Jethro and Ziva, than McGee and Abigail and Mr. Palmer have thankfully very few I will watch them closely from now on. Me I do want to get old I want to retire to travel and tell stories of Scottland and the craziest "family" ever.


	4. Abby's POV

**Abby's POV**

A horrible tragic thing happened yesterday Tony DiNozzo the man I saw as a brother killed himself yesterday. It's mt fault.

I ignored him all day I was doing fast to raise money to feed people in Africa and I get real cranky when I'm hungry. I loved Tony but, when your hungry, exhuasted, and stressed Tony could be a handful he was like a toddler it drove me nuts but, now it's what I miss most. I just can't believe he's gone. I'll never get another evidence bag with his chicken scratch handwritting, hear him tease Ziva and McGee, no more snarky comments, movie refrences, no more playing Sinatra songs for him if he behaves on a case, or him Fonziing the Caf Pow! machine. God I'll miss him this is worse than losing Kate, Jenny, or Paula cause we could have helped him. I just want Tony back! Ducky hasn't left autopsy since we got back from Tony's where Palmer saw the whole thing, Palmer was hysterical but, Ducky left him with Breena, McGee is waiting in the car, Ziva is at her apartment she refuses company, and nobodies heard from since we left Tony's, me I went to church and read the letter he gave me.

_Dear Abby_

_You are the most amazing and caring person I ever met a true Christian. I love how you loved everyone you even said you loved Ari cause the Bible says to love everyone and you knew how much Ziva loved him I know you strongly disliked him but, you didn't hate him. Keep being a caring person and change the world. Oh you don't have to marry him but at least go out with McGee and no more pshycos I don't want to see you again for a long time._

_Goodbye Love Tony._

As I read my letter the pastor walks in and asks me what's wrong tearfully I tell him about Tony. He tells me that Tony's mission on this Earth ended and maybe his death is to teach me to appreciate those I love. We talk for a while til McGee walks in after the pastor leaves me and McGee sit alone holding hands and talking and telling stories about Tony somehow we wind up laughing.


	5. McGee's POV

**McGee's POV**

I never thought anything like what happened yesterday would happen but, it did Tony killed himself and it's my fault.

I don't know why I laughed when Gibbs called him " A useless child" I just did. I can't believe _Tony _would do something that stupid and selfish I figured his brand of stupidity was publicly saying he'd have dated Kelly if she had grown up and his selfishness was calling and adding to the order when people went for lunch or coffee you know childish stuff not killing himself. I also can't believe Gibbs would be such a jerk. I thought he'd invite Tony over that night instead he said goodnight to us and a gruff DiNozzo to him than he put on his coat and left. By the time Gibbs was concerned about Tony this morning it was to late Tony was already gone. He shot himself in the head. Poor Palmer saw the whole thing. I don't know how I feel about Gibbs after this part of me thinks he is the biggest jerk who ever lived but, part of me feels heartbroken for him one mistake cost him another of his children. What I do know is I can never work at MCRT NCIS in Washighton D.C. again. I can't go to work and see Tony's desk no matter who has it it will be Tony's desk and laugh knowing me laughing killed him. I read the letter Tony left for me.

_Dear McGeek_

_Listen Probie I know I teased you but, I loved you like a brother and nothing more (remember when we were working that case and the therapist thought we were a couple?) anyway you were great at your job and will make a fine Senior Field Agent and when the time comes a great Team Leader. Have a great life save Abby from winding up with some psyhco and just being another case I know you love her._

_Goodbye Love Tony_

While I wait for Abby in the parking lot of Holy Trinity Catholic Church I email my resignition from Team Gibbs and accept the position as team leader of Quintaco. When I'm finished I walk in and find Abby as I sit next to her in the pew I tell her I accepted the postion of team leader at Quintaco I start Monday. That's when she starts crying I take her into my arms and we cry and share stories about Tony until we laugh.


	6. Gibb's POV

**Gibbs's POV**

My senior field agent killed himself yesterday. I hate myself for it is all my fault . God I'm gonna miss him. First I lost Kelly and now Tony two of my children. It's not fair.

I should have known something terrible would happen the day started out terrible. First I woke up literally in my boat which when your 6'1" and in your 60's is never a good thing, than I read in the paper that Maddie Tyler had a baby which she named Kelly just another reminder that she's gone, than the coffee shop got my order wrong and I wound up with this nasty mocha thing, than I got stuck behind what can only be described as an idiot pride parade. So when I walked in to find Tony burping the alphabet while his paperwork sat untouched I called him as useless child. I imediatly felt terrible about it I was going to invite him over but he kept bragging about this new Idiana Jones DVD. I honestly never thought Tony would kill himself maybe quit or go and get drunk but kill himself no. I hate myself for not noticing he was in trouble I'm Leroy Jethro Gibbs I notice everything. I am lyining on the floor of my basement I took a sledge hammer to my boat and have trashed the rest of the basement in one hand I have my bourbon in the other the note Tony left me. My last memory of him that and Palmer rocking back and forth holding his body in his arms.

_Dear Gibbs_

_You were like a father to me. I am sorry I wasn't good enough for you. Yeah I know sign of weakness but, I offed myself so yeah I was weak. Keep leading the team strike fear into the probie. Try to find love and don't ever give up. Remember I still have your six._

_Goodbye Love Tony._

I was a bully on the playground and well all through school I had tried to block it til now now I'm terrified Tony wasn't my only victim. I am half asleep lost in my thoughts when I feel a hand shaking my shoulder Jethro? Jethro? The voice whispers. Uhh. I moan looking up to see my dad standing over me. Jethro "I heard about Tony." He says. "How?" I ask "That Scottish fellow Ducky he called me" He explains. "Look your coming home with me." He ordered "Ducky said Vance gave the team a week of breavermant leave he said you could take an extra week considering your past." I walk out to the car grabbing my emergency bag on the way out, I climb in the passenger seat, next thing I know my dad is shaking me awake again, I stumble into my childhood home and make my way to my room it's there that the events of the day really hit me and I relize it's not just a nightmare and that's when I totally lose it.


	7. Ziva's POV

**Ziva's POV**

Yesterday I lost the one person I ever truly loved. Tony DiNozzo the Italian Playboy movie buff sweet goofy guy has commited suicide. I feel like it's my fault. I was a moosad agent and I am breaking it's weird.

I was supposed to meet him for lunch but, I was to rooster (wait that's wrong God I wish Tony was here to correct me) anyway I drove around the block outside the restraunt about a hundred times before our lunch break ended. How pathetic is that an ex-moosad afraid to go get a sandwhich with her partner and now she' s crying cause he died. I loved him I really did and now he's gone forever all because I couldn't get up the courage to go in the restraunt. After everything with Ray I am so shaken even though Tony is was the nicest guy. I am pacing the bullpen I went home but, my neigbors threatened to call the police cause I was crying and cursing every diety I have heard of in every language I know just so who evers in charge up there knows how pissed I am for taking Tony. By the time I got back to NCIS Ducky had went to Tony's, Abby and McGee went to church, Palmer is still with Breena, and Nobody has seen Gibbs since we left Tony's. Oh God that was horrible his brains and blood all over the floor Palmer holding him rocking back and forth holding his body, crying, looking like his world crashed down, and finding out he saw it happen. I finally have the courage to read Tony's letter to me.

_Dear Ziva_

_I loved you I don't know if you felt the same but, I loved you. I hope you have a great life and find someone who truly loves and won't hurt you. Don't fall for any of your dad's crap Gibbs is the one who really loves you. Keep up the good work and you could be the Senior Field Agent one day. Never stop being mah ninja. Again find love and make lil ninja's._

_Goodbye Love Tony._

I finished reading my letter and relized that Vance was in his office I went up to talk to him but, I wound up falling down on his floor crying he walked up to me and stroked my hair and told me it would be Ok. Though I don't really believe him.


	8. Ten Years Later

**Ten Years Later**

It's been exactly ten years since the death of Tony DiNozzo and for the first time since the whole team will be at NCIS together well of course not the whole team Tony won't be there but, a few new members are in tow with the old team.

**Ducky**

Ducky retired not long after Tony's death he moved back to Scottland and when he isn't traveling he lives with his childhood best friend in a small cottage about fifteen miniutes from Loch Ness. He still tells stories his favorite of a young Italian movie buff who had a way with the ladies that he knew in his days as an ME in at NCIS in Washigton D.C. a truly one of a kind friend.

**Palmer **

Palmer and Breena married about three months after Tony's death out of respect to Tony he did not have a best man his best man speech was a youtube video of clips of best man speeches from movies as a tribute to Tony. Him and Breena have a seven year old daughter Antonia Lee Palmer and are expecting a son in the spring around their tenth anniversry. Six months after Antonia's birth Jimmy began working for Breena's father so he could spend more time with his daughter. Though he has never truly gotten over Tony's death but with thearpy has learned to cope with witnessing his suicide.

**McGee/Abby**

McGee and Abby married a year after Tony died they have eight year old twin sons Timothy Paul and Anthony Todd, a six year old daughter Jennifer Penelope, and a three year old son Thomas Gergory. Tim was Team Leader at Quintaco for eight years until he became director when Vance retired. He published one more official Deep Six novel

Tommy We Hardly Knew Ye

(In Loving Memory of Tony D. (the real life Tommy))

He released a prequal Before The Six three years ago and today a post series retrospectave was published Ten Years After Tommy. Abby is still the forensic specislist but has a helper Jack Korman he has been with her since she had to stop working while pregnant with the twins she trained him via webcam (Gibbs, McGee, and Vance didn't want to take any chances) durring her leave. She is still Abby but cut her hair and Bert now belongs to Jenny (since she is the only girl) and is now named Stella.

**Ziva/Gibbs**

The most shocking thing that happened after Tony's death was that Gibbs and Ziva married two years later. It all started when Gibbs came home from his fathers house and found a hysterical Ziva in his basement. When he asked what was wrong she said she was pregnant and it was likely Tony's. He let her stay with him and with in six months they were dating. Ziva gave birth to a healthy son Tony Jackson David who is nine. Together they have a one year old daughter Talia Kelly Gibbs. Gibbs retired just after Talia was born and is enjoying being a stay at home dad. Ziva was promoted to Team Leader after Gibbs retired. She has an amazina ability to go from ninja to mommy ie the time she snapped the neck of a man connected to the drug cartel that killed Shannon and Kelly when he broke into the house than chappeoned Tony's fourth grade classes trip trip to the White House. Both Ziva and Gibbs visit Tony's grave everyday and sometimes they bring a portable DVD player and watch one of his movies.

**Fin**

**A/N Holy crap that was the most deppresing thing I have ever written! I wrote it cause I wanted to do a story about the teams reaction to losing a member I chose Tony cause he is my favorite and thus the one that I'd greive the most if he died. I chose suicide cause that seemed like the way of death that would affect the team most and make them feel the most dramatic emotions. They were hurtful to Tony so they'd all feel guilt. This story also deals with the team breaking Rule 8. Thanks for the reviews. P.S. My next story will be a comedy about the team trying to get out of a sexual harrassment seminar. **


End file.
